Future Regrettable Current Silence

I am seriously at the brink of collapsing now.
There's so many things I want to do well in, but I just can't seem to.
Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted by everything around me,
from this to that, from that to this.
From the inside out, outside in, sideways and wayside I'm feeling tired.

Firstly, it's about my uni stuff.
Had you studied like crazy and stayed up all night just to finish a quiz and got fucked by it and the next day the whole class copies your hard word and gets full marks in front of your face?
Well, it happened to me. It's a terrible sight to see, and I felt like dying. But oh well, at a brighter side, the class benefits from it.
On a side note, I almost died from chemistry practical today. T_T

There's something I really want to tell you on your face,
but I can't do that.
I'm not allowed to. Nobody lets me. Furthermore, I do not have the right,
or the privilege to do so.

To be frank, I don't really understand any of you. And now it's your turn. You can be nice sometimes,
you can be harsh sometimes and you can be really sweet sometimes.
What gives? Which one are you predominant in? My heart is fragile, I can't
withstand such changes in such a short time. I feel weak and devastated every time
you give me such responses and answers. I really wanted to tell you, but I just can't
seem to forge the right words out of my trap hole. I'm terribly lost and confined in a state of confusion. What do you want from me? What can I do for you?

In fact, I'm still quite disturbed by the events that occurred these days. Whatever you said, whatever you denied, whatever you tried to confess or whatever you tried to hide, I really couldn't understand any more to the point that I want to bang my head on the wall. I want to understand, and I want to know why, but overtly that's out of my grasp. You wouldn't. Not that I tried to inquire it from you directly, but knowing you, you'll just come up with something. Besides, that'll add to awkwardness, wouldn't it? That made me wondered, whatever that happened that night, that very night. Were they my dreams, my imaginations and my fantasies? They seemed real to be, but the after reality of it doesn't seem to support the fact that it really happened. Maybe, it's just the CH3CH2OH. You know, this shit always fucks people up. Although I always tried not to give a flying fuck any more, I just can't because I care for you =/

Well, enough about that. I'm sure what goes next is, hey you're emo-ing again. Can't you get rid of that trait? Well, everyone emos from time to time right? It's just a matter of how well you hide it (I think I plagiarised this phrase from someone). So yeah, I heeded that advice and did. I suppressed it to a fair degree. It wasn't easy, but that's better than making everyone around you gloomy, correct? That being said, this is my world and my space. It's one of the places where I can express what I want to express (although my emotions, described in words here are much suppressed to an extent). So don't go around calling me emo unless I exhibit emoism in your presence. =)

In principle, what I would like to conclude from all these mess of words is I really really want to tell you this!
Fatty. . . the fact is . . . I this that person and that person this this, so can you please don't this that and that this and this us. Thanks.
But sigh no, that can never come out from my mouth. Never.
Fuck. The thing is... who am I to utter this kind of shit to you?

Time to buy a gift for someone and mentally prepare myself for the upcoming ordeal.
I feel MUCH MUCH better now that I let it out. =)
And million thanks to my friend that spent so much time listening to my rants and complaints.
Thanks a lot. xD