It’s been awhile

I’ve not blogged for a very long time and somehow my writing in English has deteriorated. Do pardon me if I have mistakes and silly errors. It’s been awhile.. School has started and lots of stuff had been happening in my life. I really wanted to write them all down but I just don’t have the time and privilege to do so. I’ll probably write on how I came here, how was the condition here and on my house/room. For now, I’m doing fine. I’m eating fine and am surviving pretty well, staying with my classmates. They may not be the best housemates in the world, but they are stay-able with at least. A lot has happened. A lot, seriously. The same thing kept on repeating itself. Shall I talk about it? Or should I not? Maybe I should, it is my blog after all.

“Whole chunk removed because it was nonsense I wrote 2 weeks ago”

Let’s talk about something else.


What exactly is love? Some may say it is the unselfish act of giving someone you love everything and hoping for that person to be happy. Some may argue that love is a mutual affection between individuals. There are many kinds of love but do take note that I am strictly referring to the guy-girl/guy-guy/girl-girl love here. Let’s start with some background story before going into the main topic.

Case 1: It happened about… 3 years ago. My friend has a girlfriend (and is still now). He’s a very nice person and he can do a lot for his girlfriend from doing crazy stuffs for her to buying her crazy stuffs. He even fought with his parents just for that girl. Well, it is not as if money is everything in a relationship and it shouldn’t be weighted on how expensive the presents are but he did fight with his parents for that girl. And he was only 17?! I used to think that he was really stupid and dumb. Why do so much for a girl? Why sacrifice so many things for someone you just met for a few months? Why are you soiling your relationship with your parents just for someone you met few months ago? It’s seriously stupid, and I kinda lost my respect to him after knowing this. But, that was because I do not really understand what LOVE is (not that I really understand it now). Now that I think about it, it is still quite silly but love is definitely blind. You do shits for the person you really love and care for.

Case 2: Another story on how love can change a person. During my pre-university program, I had this really awesome chemistry teacher. She’s young, pretty, kind and extremely intelligent. One day during tutorial, I decided to talk to her because I was really bored and she seemed to be bored as well. I asked her where did she graduate from and she told me she was from NUS. She also worked there for a year in a college teaching the biotechnology program. The conversation is as follows (to the best of my memory):

Me : You worked in Singapore for a year? Why are you here now in taylors teaching chemistry?

Teacher : Well, I did it for a man.

Me : Wow really? How come? Isn’t the salary in SG much higher than the salary in Malaysia?

Teacher : Of course. The salary is so much higher. But I think that my husband is more important and money isn’t really everything.

Me : I see. Your husband must be really lucky. So, why are you able to teach in taylors without a masters degree? All the other lecturers have a masters degree.

Teacher : Well, I actually had full scholarship to do PhD in NUS but I rejected it. I won’t have time for my husband and my family if I were to take a post-grad program. I guess taylors is still keeping me because of my first class honors but they are still pestering me to take masters. I won’t though even if it means losing my job because I think my husband and baby are more important.

Me : Wow okay.. (WTF you serious? Throwing away a good future in NUS and afull scholarship to do PhD for a guy… that is NOT handsome? (in my opinion)).

Honestly that was what I was thinking after the conversation. How can she give up such awesome offers for a guy? Is she kidding me? She is so young and pretty. I’m sure she’ll find a more handsome guy?

Case 3: “Love is very mysterious. You never know that such a person existed until you meet them. You fall deeper in love with him, but with just the smallest of words from him, you can be sad or happy. Just thinking about him makes your heart ache. Why..? Why? Why do we fall in love?” Ever heard of this quote? Sounds familiar? It is actually from episode 13 of Mai-Otome. Akane-chan is willing to give up on her dreams that she had worked so hard on since she was born. In fact, her dream itself defines her existence. But for a guy she loved so much, she is willing to give up everything including her life for him as depicted in the scene where she shielded him from that “slave”. In the end, the guy (a royalty) gave up his country and his family just to be with her. Wow.. I was really moved after watching this episode and couldn’t help it but writeit here. “Give up the dreams and live for love. That’s a path one can take as well” – Major Sergay Wang

Akane and Kazu

Akane protecting kazu kun with her life

Perfectly Wonderful Ending

But now that I am kinda in their shoes, I totally understand how they feel. Money and an awesome career isn’t actually the most important thing in life. It is the people around you that matters. I wouldn’t say money isn’t one of the most important thing in the world (in fact I think money is super ultra important) but I have to admit that the person that you care and love most is the most important thing. Money and career, it really doesn’t matter too much anymore if it is to be able to be with the person you love. I’m probably saying this because I may not be the very dominant one but still, it takes a lot to make me do so much or give up so much for a single person.

Many may say, ‘Loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be with that person, you should be happy as long as the person you love is happy’. In a way, it sounds really romantic. But the fact is you won’t be able to do that unless if you are a saint. You won’t be happy if the person you really love is with someone else. Yes you may be happy for that person, but it is really harsh on yourself.

What I can say is that I am terribly sorry for not being able to be with you when you need me most. LDRs are always tough and it’s not something that survives easily from what I can see from history. But I believe, if two people are really in love, something like distance wouldn’t be able to tear them apart. I love you hunny and I will do everything to the best of my abilities to be with you. The definition of love in me now, is you and me.